Networking: Effective Communication at Big Events

Doug Downs (00:04):

Ben and Evan met for the first time at a party in New York City. In 2009. Ben had been working on an idea for virtual pinboard. Evan was studying architecture at Columbia University and just listening to Ben, he knew he was intrigued. At the party, Ben and Evan struck up a conversation about design technology and their shared interest in creating something no one had done before. They talked about Ben's idea to create a platform where people could collect and share images they found inspiring. The two decided to collaborate Ben with the vision, and Evan with the design expertise. Early development involved long hours of coding, designing and testing. When the platform finally went public user adoption was extremely slow, but maybe people didn't want a virtual pinboard, but the two persisted and began to build a small community around the platform. That grassroots approach helped build a loyal user base, which began to grow. By the end of 2011, the platform Pinterest had millions of users, and today more than half a billion people use Pinterest. Ben Silberman and Evan Sharp are each worth more than a billion dollars. There are a lot of pieces to the success of Pinterest, finding collaborators, accessing resources, securing funding, building a team, taking a user experience approach to development. But it began at a networking event where two people struck up a conversation today on stories and strategies. Just like a group board, those networking events can pin to your advantage.

(02:02):

My name is Doug Downs. My guest this week is Robert Kennedy the third, RK three joining today from Beltsville, which is kind of near DC in not far from Baltimore. Hey, Robert.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (02:13):

Hey, Doug. How you doing? My friend?

Doug Downs (02:15):

I should call you RK three. RK

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (02:16):

Three? Yeah. Listen, do me a favor. So I'm a speaker and a trainer, and when we hit the stage, we kind of like to make an entrance. So do me a favor, just say ladies and gentlemen, introducing Robert Kennedy iii,

Doug Downs (02:28):

Ladies and gentlemen. Introducing Robert Kennedy the third.

Doug Downs (02:36):

Yeah, that's The intro. Music you come out. You got to like

(02:43):

A little groove when you're doing that. Let's go.

Doug Downs (02:50):

And then you offer your funny ad libs, right? It's great to be here in Shelbyville. Yeah.

Doug Downs (02:56):

Hello, Cleveland.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (02:58):

Yes, sir.

Doug Downs (02:59):

How are things in, you're in Beltsville, so now DC and Baltimore are about an hour apart, right? DC to the south. Baltimore to the

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (03:07):

North, yeah, just about that. Yeah. Are

Doug Downs (03:09):

You in between? Is that where you're at?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (03:11):

I'm about 20 minutes northeast of dc.

Doug Downs (03:13):

Okay, and are you getting all the rain right now from the hurricane?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (03:17):

So we've needed it. We've been, without rain, it's been, so I wake up in the morning around 5:00 AM and at 5, 5 30 in the morning. It's 75, 80 degrees already. And it's been that for the last three weeks outside. If I could take you outside to my lawn right now, it's brown. It's like the middle of fall out there. All the leaves are falling from the trees. It's a desert land. It's a wasteland out there. So we needed a little bit of rain. We got some rain yesterday, but it's back to kind of being hot today

Doug Downs (03:52):

At least a little bit. I, I'm going to see the area in the next month or so. I'm in DC so I'm looking forward to it. Robert, you're the CEO of Kinetic Communications, a leading communication and presentation training firm for the real estate industry and other industries. Keynote speaker, corporate training, bestselling author, check, check, check all the boxes your clients have included. The American Association of Retired Persons, the US Coast Guard, Barnes and Noble, and the National Realtors Association. You help people connect on video in virtual conferences, in person, on podcasts, and you help them tell effective stories. And where we're coming at it on this episode is those in-person big networking events. And that's what I'm in DC doing in August, and I enjoy them. But to be honest, at the I get exhausted after an hour or two of, hi, how are you? And five minute banter, and what do you do for me? When someone interrupts you, the conversation is over at those things. So how do you tell stories? How do you do that at a networking event when you don't even know how long you have to talk with the person?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (05:06):

Well, here's the thing. Well, first of all, I want to talk about the American Association of Retired Persons. First of all, nobody knows what that is. Everybody knows a RP, right? But they don't really know what the acronym stands for. And I'm not retired, so I just wanted to be clear about, right? Anyway, so at networking events, it's not so much about you telling stories, it's more about receiving stories or prompting others to tell their stories. So for every networking event that you've gone to, think of a question that is asked the most at networking events.

Doug Downs (05:45):

Yeah, what do you do?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (05:47):

So what do you do?

(05:49):

Well, I'm a trainer or I'm a lawyer, or, no, let's see if we can drum up a little bit more interest here. So when you go to networking events, prepare a few interesting questions. You want to make sure that people can talk about themselves or their experiences, and you can begin to hear their stories. You can begin to hear what they're passionate about, what drives them, what they're interested in. And as you begin to get that data, that information, you can now say, aha, okay, yep, I can share this experience, or I can share this situation that happened with me, or I can share a resource or something of value for this person. So be intentional before you get there. Let them tell their stories.

Doug Downs (06:38):

You're playing tennis and allowing them to serve.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (06:42):

Yes.

Doug Downs (06:42):

Oh, I love that. Okay, so now that's going to take some mental focus as well. That's the part that drains me. I'm listening to your story, and then at the same time, I'm codifying you, but I'm codifying the story and trying to find how I can augment your story with an anecdote of my own. That's basically what you're telling me.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (07:03):

And don't pressure yourself to figure out an anecdote, because it's hard to listen to someone and not be present. Because if you're listening and you're saying, okay, lemme think about a story. Let me think about an anecdote. Let me think about a retort. Let me think about how am I going to respond to them. Then you're not actually listening. Listen to the story. Listen to what they have to share, and then trust yourself to respond after, even if that means a moment of silence. And that's what a lot of us are scared of. We're scared of silence because it feels awkward. We're like, oh my gosh, I got to fill all the spaces. So if we think about this from even a public speaking standpoint, one of the reasons that we say or we use filler words is because we're trying to fill the silence. We're scared of silence. Our minds are moving at a different pace than our mouths, and we're trying to fill that up. Let it be silent for a moment. Smile, look pleasant, be approachable, and then, okay, yeah, that was a great story. Thank you for sharing that with me. Be grateful. Be curious with them, and thank them for the gift that they just gave you of sharing their life in a moment.

Doug Downs (08:21):

And when they tell that story, does it help you remember them? Do you attach the story to them?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (08:26):

It can. I've got to be intentional about it as well. I mean, I'll be honest, I would love to say yes, every person that tells your story, it's memorable. You're going to remember exactly. But number one, not everybody's a good storyteller. That's number two. You're in a room with a lot of different people and you may be hearing a lot of different stories, so you may merge some stories together. I've got to be intentional about attaching an element from the story to a person. Now, you mentioned getting worn out or tired in a room where you're networking. Robert Kennedy iii. Every time I've taken the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, I've qualified or I've come up as an introvert surprise.

Doug Downs (09:13):

So

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (09:14):

What that means is that, man, if I go to an event, I have my limit of people. And after a little bit I'm just like, oh, I want to get out of here. And so when I first started my own businesses and I was going to networking events, man, I would go to the hor d'oeuvres table and hang out there and act like my mouth was full a lot of the time, or make up an excuse to go to the bathroom, whatever it was. There were times where I went to events and I would leave after an hour having not met a person and beat myself up because I'm like, dude, you just wasted three hours of your life driving, staying, and then coming home and you didn't do anything. So what I learned to do was, number one, give myself grace and number two, give myself a goal. And so I would say, I am going to meet five people tonight. When I meet those five people, I'm done. I'm leaving.

Doug Downs (10:11):

For an introvert, that's powerful. When am I done is a key thing they want. Yeah,

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (10:17):

I'm leaving. I'm done. Okay, cool. So the thing about those five people is you've got to be intentional about that as well. So I might create a story about my business. I might say, okay, I'm creating this business and here's the business that I want to build, and here are five different areas in my business. Who are the people that can help in these areas? I might need to meet a lawyer. I might need to meet an IT professional. I might need to meet an assistant. I might need whatever it is. I create the story and then I say, yep, I need to meet these five people. And I go in with intention. So if somebody comes up to me and I'm having a conversation with them somewhere in the conversation, I say, you know what? This is such a fantastic event. One of my goals tonight is to meet these people. A person who does this, who do you know? Or who have you met tonight already that qualifies in this role or in this space? It's a great idea. Would you be able to introduce me to them

Doug Downs (11:23):

If the way you're going at it is to listen to people's stories? And by the way, I love that. I suppose top of mind. I didn't realize other people did that because it's kind of my own secret sauce as well. Do less talk and do more. Listen, I don't learn anything when I'm talking. But if you're going to do that, going into each conversation, I call it mental sorbet. It's almost like I need to clear my mind of the conversation. I just had to receive RK three, the new person I'm in conversation with. And that's particularly hard at these networking events because the conversation has probably overlapped the person I've been talking to, somebody new, came in, started a conversation, the other one ended, and I'm onto this one. How do you cope with that?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (12:12):

It takes practice, man. Again, it goes back to giving yourself grace. We think we have to be perfect and get all of the information at each of these events, and we don't. That's why there's no limit on the amount of networking events. You don't get to 45 years old and then say, oh, yep, that's it. I'm never networking again. Or somebody never says, yeah, you better get in as much networking as you can because at 45, dude, the door shut, nobody's going to let you in anymore. It doesn't happen. So you're going to do this thing for a long time or as long as you choose to. So inside of all of that, what are your intentions? What are the results that you're after? And how can you achieve that with intention at every event or over the course of several events?

Doug Downs (13:07):

Here's another challenge. At these events, people tend to collect in what I call tribes. If you've ever walked into a room and you see groups of 3, 4, 5, and they all kind of seem to know each other and they're laughing and they're having a great time, I can't break into that. We collect in groups. That's what we do as humans. How do I break into a new tribe?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (13:30):

So that is a challenging one. That can be challenging and it can be awkward. We've all had the experience when we're in a group and there are four or five people talking, and then that one person comes up and they have a drink in their hand, and they're just kind of standing on the outside of the circle laughing awkwardly.

(13:50):

So that's weird. And we're like, we don't want to be that person. So what I tend to do is as I come in, if there are a lot of tribes, a lot of different crews, squads, groups, whatever you want to call them, I observe and I see from a body language perspective, first of all, which groups are most closely knit together. If they're standing really tight together, I'm not going to go to that group first. If they're more loosely grouped, then I may wander over to that group and I'm looking for the first break in conversation,

Doug Downs (14:26):

Eye contact and body language too. Yeah, yeah.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (14:29):

So I'm looking for the first break in conversation, and when there's a quick break, I may say something like, Hey, I'm Robert. Thanks for allowing me to join your crew for a second. This is my first time at this event, and I really wanted to have a conversation with somebody around X. Is there anybody that I should know? Usually when that happens, somebody says, oh, yeah, you should meet Tom, or you should meet Brenda, or whatever, or Tom or Brenda May be in that group, and somebody may say, yep, I do that. And they may have some conversations, right? Because it's a networking event, more often than not, it's not just casual conversation, it's about business. So people are expecting you to say, or they're expecting some conversation at night that has to do with the business. And some networking events are themed. So if you can tie in with the theme of that event, that's going to be helpful to you as well.

Doug Downs (15:22):

And if my goal slash strategy is for people to share their story, and I'm an active listener back and forth, I know as an interviewer, there are ways to steer that conversation in the directions that you want to go. What are some of the ways that you can do that so that you're making the best use of your time? Because there's nothing worse than someone sharing their story. And it's like Grandpa Simpson talking about the onion on his belt. So

Grampa Simpson (15:50):

I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them, "Give me five Bees for a quarter. You'd say, no. Where were we? Oh, yeah"

Doug Downs (16:07):

Yeah, completely useless. I want to pull that back on track because if it's a useless story, they become a useless person to me.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (16:14):

Yeah,

Doug Downs (16:15):

Sorry to be cold there, sorry. But

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (16:17):

Yeah. Well, listen, it doesn't even have to be it slick. Sometimes we're looking for that subtle or undetectable way to turn a conversation. Sometimes it may be simple as, I love that story. That was phenomenal. So I'm only here for another 20 minutes or so. I really want to get some information about this. That's good. What do you think about this? And you can just be direct in many cases, because people know that it's an event and everybody's not going to stay until the end. So you don't have to be slick. You don't have to be feel trapped or caged in a corner or in a conversation. Be direct and utilize your intention for that night as a part of how you direct conversations.

Doug Downs (17:12):

And part of it I know is play it by ear, but how long should one of these conversations be at one of these events? My experience is if it's weak, we're three minutes. If it's strong, I'm still well under 10, but it depends. Anything over 10 seems like I'm manipulating them or I'm wasting my time. We've gone as far as we can go.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (17:34):

Sometimes I may play what I call the relay race. Somebody is having a conversation with me, and I find fairly quickly that they are not a match or we're not a fit for a long-term conversation. I may say to them, Hey, what's your goal for tonight? Who would you like to meet? And they would say, okay, I want to meet somebody that's this. I'm like, okay, cool. I just met Jim. Let me take you over Tim. So I take that person over to Jim, and I'm like, Jim, hey, this person is interested in this. You and I talked about this earlier tonight. Would you mind having conversation with them? Jim's like, sure. I'll be like, okay, cool. And I'll stay there for a moment, and then I'll say, all right, listen, guys, I got to go and do this. I need to go get refreshed at the hor d'oeuvres table. Yeah, yeah. And I'll take off.

Doug Downs (18:19):

That is so good, and a smart person will know exactly what you're doing, but that is so good.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (18:25):

Well, yeah. I mean, it happens. I've done it. Sometimes I've had a couple of times where Jim's come back to me like, dude, you sent me up. I'm like, bro, I'm sorry.

Doug Downs (18:40):

That's perfect. And if part of it is also, I'm sharing stories because stories are powerful, and I do like to share my stories, my anecdotes, and of course I've got a bank of them, and you can tell 'em short, you can tell 'em a little longer, but there's nothing worse than something telling me a story and I'm bored to tears by it. Instant death stories can also be a massive deterrent. Are there ways for me to know if my stories are clicking?

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (19:08):

The biggest way to know that is repetition

(19:11):

Practice. There's no way for you to nail it the first time. Every time. There's a great book by a guy named Matthew Dicks called Story Worthy, and in that book, he talks about a practice he has every night before he goes to bed. He writes down five experiences, five things that happened that day, then draws a line. And in the right column, he says, okay, what lesson did I learn from this experience? He does that, and what's happening is that we go through experiences all day long. The reason why we don't always remember them is because we don't catalog them. And so if I have a bank or a vault that I'm continually cataloging, it's easier for me to draw connections, and then I can begin practicing these stories and repeating them. So it's also helpful for me to know my audience. I've got to know my audience and what resonates with them so I can make a point to them. So bear with me for a second here.

Doug Downs (20:14):

Yeah, because another question I have is how do I tailor my stories to fit my audience? Not that I'm saying different things, but I might say it a little differently.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (20:22):

So as a speaker, I go through this all the time. Several years ago, I told a story to my mastermind group and they're like, dude, why haven't you told us a story before? It was a simple story. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I told them, Hey, I learned to ride my bicycle at the age of eight. I taught myself to ride a bicycle, and I told them the story and the story, I'll give you the short version of the story. The story is I was in Montreal, Canada staying at a friend's house, and my parents weren't there. His parents weren't home that day. And I said, I've got to learn how to ride a bicycle. And he said, here's how you learn how to ride. He points out his window, and I see some kids riding their bicycles, but they had parents pushing behind them.

(21:02):

We didn't have any parents at home that day. So I said, let's figure out how to do it. He goes outside or goes to the garage, grabs his bike, takes off. He leaves me with a sister's bike, which has the basket on the front, and ding, ding the bell. I go out and I try to ride, but I fall pretty quickly and immediately, if I'm talking to a group of financial people, I might lean into the fact that as financial people, you need to know the exact process beforehand because if you mess it up, somebody can be hurt, namely you. Right? So I start to talk about that. So I'll continue on with the story. So I fall a few times and then I'm like, dude, this is not working. So I noticed that his driveway was on a decline. It was one of those driveways that went down and the garage was underneath the house.

(21:57):

So I figured out that I could coast down the driveway, and it was much easier for me to keep my balance. So I did that a few times, and as I got more confident with that, I started to put my feet on the pedals and started to turn them, and then made some turns, left rights in the garage, and after about 30 minutes, I'm like, okay, I think I feel a bit more confident about this. I take the bike, I on the street, and I start to ride. I ride a little bit, but I'm still wobbly, and I stumble. At the end of the block, I noticed that there's a hill. I'm like, okay, aha. Hill. So I would take the bike over to the end of the street, and I perched the bike of the top of the hill, and I push off. Brave bike starts to bike, starts to coast down the hill.

(22:39):

Yeah. I'm like, it's picking up a little bit of speed. I put my feet on the pedals. It starts to turn, the pedals start to turn, and the bike is starting to go faster and faster. My feet are flying along with the pedals, and pretty soon the pedals are going so fast that I can't control it, and my feet fly off the pedals pause. If I'm talking to a group of project managers, I might say, Hey, how many times have you taken on a project? And it seems like it just falls out of control pretty quickly. You thought you could handle it, but then all sorts of problems, obstacles, train wrecks come inside of this, and you feel like you're just going downhill and you've got no control over how this thing's going to end. Yes. Right? Yes. So I see the project managers doing just what you're doing.

(23:27):

They start nodding their heads. They're like, oh my God, dude, I had a project like that last week. They see themselves now in the story. Yeah. Yeah. So I continue. I'm like, okay, so we're going down the hill and my feet have flown off the pedals at this point, and oh, by the way, there's an intersection at the bottom of this hill, and I'm getting closer and closer to this intersection. The bike's flying, and I'm like, oh my gosh. This intersection's coming up out of the corner of my eye. I see a lawn. So I decide I'm going to turn the bike, and I turn it pretty quickly, and I fling myself on the lawn. I fly off the bike and grass through a wooden picket fence, and there's mud and dirt and all sorts of stuff. I come to a stop and I stand up and I see my friend at the top of the hill giving me the home alone face. He's got his, he's looking down at me, but I raised my hands. I'm like, yeah, because

(24:21):

I had ridden the bike. Right? Now, if I'm talking to an audience that is a marketing group, I might say, Hey, how many times have you embarked on a project? You tried something new, but you ended up with a different result than you attended, and it turned out well. Or you just learned to give things a different spin to everybody else. It looked like a train wreck, but you're like, no, no. This is good. We found out how to do something right. So I've now taken each audience that I'm speaking to and highlighted a different part of the story to them and really stepped into an emotional place that they have previously experienced,

Doug Downs (25:03):

And you're putting them in the story. That's really the piece that's happening here.

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (25:07):

So even if I'm at a networking event, I'm telling something, I'm telling the story, but I might want to stop partway through and say, Hey, have you ever felt like this? Or has this happened to you? What did you do when this thing happened? So now I bring that audience person, or I bring that networking partner along into the story with me.

Doug Downs (25:28):

I have so much stuff I can use at the networking event I'm at in DC in August. I'm taking this. I'm going to report back to you and let you know. Love it how these ideas went, man. I really appreciate this. Great stuff. Love

Robert Kennedy III (RK3) (25:42):

It. Thank you.

Doug Downs (25:45):

If you'd like to send a message to my guest, Robert Kennedy iii, RK three, we've got his contact information in the show notes, stories and strategies as a co-production of JGR Communications and Stories and Strategies podcast. If you like this episode, please leave us a rating, possibly a review. Check out our YouTube channel. Segments from this podcast are also available on video thanks to our a plus producer Emily Page. And lastly, do us a favor forward this episode to one friend. Thanks for listening.